(Shop bell jangles)
The Road To Reality.
Don't wanna be going there. (Chuckles)
Hiya.
An oasis of calm in here, mad out there.
Gorgeous day for it, though, innit?
Never been in here before.
I like your hat.
(Electronic beep)
(Beep)
Busy?
Hello?
(Beep)
Having a bad day?
No.
Oh. Not till I showed up, eh?
Look like a rabbit caught in the headlights.
I won't bite.
Don't worry, I'm going now.
Have a good day. Stay happy.
I ain't nicked nothing. Honest, guv'nor.
Beep, beep, beep, beep. (Chuckles)
Oh, no, no, come on.
That's just brilliant, that is.
Oh, no, I didn't even get a chance to say goodbye.
PULP: # You'll never get it right cos when you're laid in bed at night
# Watching... roaches climb the wall
# If you called your dad he could stop it all
# You'll never live like common people
# You'll never do what common people do
# You'll never fail like common people
# You'll never watch your life slide out of view
# And dance and drink and screw
# Because there's nothing else to do
(Low chatter)
The music's stopped.
It stopped ages ago.
(Giggles)
Yeah, I was just enjoying the silence.
(Hiccup, shriek of laughter)
What?
What's so funny?
- (Laughter) - I don't know!
Can you just...
Oh, your sister's woken up, Poppy.
Suzy, what's that?
POPPY: What is it? Is that your latest conquest?
Oh, bless him!
Don't you ever pray that you're adopted, Suzy?
Oh, argh!
- Yeah. - (Giggling)
You got me, Zoe.
- Ssssh! - Who are you shushing?
No, no, no, no, no, no.
She's right. Let's all enjoy the silence together.
Dawn, will you shut up? Because no-one else can get a word in.
- (Laughter) - Ssssssh!
Sorry!
- Sssssh. - Fingers on lips.
Fingers on the tits.
- Fingers on tits. - Fingers on the hips.
Can I borrow yours?
- Fingers on the tits. - Oh, that is properly disgusting.
Chicken fillets. Lunch, anyone?
- Oh, hello! - Can I have a go?
Of course you can, Dawn, you don't need to ask.
- Anyone over there? - Oh, I know where that's been.
(Laughter)
You have gone down in my estimation.
I'm sorry, Alice.
- I don't get why you wear them, Poppy. - Oh, don't you?
I mean, you just put them in your bra...
Yeah?
I like the way they make me feel, Suzy.
- Like a natural woman. - That's right.
- I think it's in the wrong place. - Ah, whoop!
Oh, look, you've got three tits!
She's like you, Zoe.
- No, that's three nipples. - Oh, right.
Have you got three nipples?
She doesn't like to talk about it. I'm going to give her a little hug.
- Over you go. - Oh, that's quite nice. Do that again.
Oh, really? Oh!
Ooh!
(Laughter)
Your cleavage looks great from up here.
- Thank you. - I've got a bird's eye view.
Come on, ladies, cop a load of this.
Oh, yeah, roll up, roll up.
Look at that!
- It's good, isn't it? - They're amazing.
Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no.
(Laughter)
I think we know where Poppy's sleeping tonight.
Morning.
Time to get up, sleepyhead.
Cup of tea here.
Come on. You can do it.
That's it. That's it, nearly there.
Oh, here we go.
- And she's up! Hey. - Thanks.
You all right?
Yeah, I slept good.
I heard you. (Snores)
You always start that.
- I don't snore. - I know. You never have.
- I don't. - (Mimics) I don't.
- Are they still asleep? - No, they buggered off ages ago.
- Did they? - Yeah.
Oh, right.
- What's the time? - About 10 past 12.
- They've got a bit of work to do. - Have they?
- Dawn's late with her dissertation. - Oh, no. When are your exams?
- Three weeks tomorrow. - You'll be all right.
Yeah. I'm totally chilled out about it.
Of course you are.
- I'm cool. - Yeah.
I'm just really stressed.
What? Like an Eskimo with a headache?
- Does anyone want any toast? SUZY: Yeah.
- Yes, please. - With marmalade, two slices.
Yeah, I know, cut on the diagonal.
- Yeah. - No crusts.
- Got it. Oh, do you know what? - What?
- Oh, yeah. - She's gone.
The thing is, we're starting with criminal justice.
- Is that your first exam? - Yeah, it's crap.
If we had cyber crime first, or, like, crime and pleasure,
I could ease myself into it.
- No probs. - Oh, you'll be all right, Suzy.
Yeah, if we can get a degree, any idiot can.
- You calling your sister an idiot? - Calling you an idiot.
Thank you.
"Crime and pleasure", now that sounds good.
- Sounds like last night. - Yeah.
You'll be all right.
Yeah.
- See you later. - Alligator.
- When are we going to see Helen? - Yeah, when's the baby due?
Don't know, soon. She's been texting me.
- Me too, she's getting worse. - I know, bless her.
- Want to wait till after your exams? - I want to get it over with.
All right. Don't worry, leave her to me.
- Text me, yeah? - Work hard.
Suze... you know it's that way, don't you?
- Oh, yeah. - (Laughs)
(Sings to herself)
- These make good legs? - Great.
# I'm so excited...
- It would be amazing to fly, wouldn't it? - You reckon?
Just... whoosh!
- What? Like Mr Vertigo? - Oh, yeah. I love that book.
- Yeah. - Oh, vultures.
- Met a few of them. - These could be useful.
Oh, yeah, they're great. Oh, look at him, he's gorgeous.
We could do an owl, they've got big heads.
Good idea. He's got your eyes, look.
- Cheers, Poppy. - No, they're lovely.
Do penguins emigrate?
What? Do they move to the Costa del Sol?
Emigrate, migrate, whatever.
- What about parrots? - Oh, yeah, definitely.
- Or a toucan. Oh, look at his beak. - They're good colours.
Beautiful.
So, are you going to get another bike?
Oh, no, I couldn't replace my old lovely. It's flown the nest now.
Definitely going to learn to drive, though.
- Going to book lessons? - Might do.
Might not.
I told you, you're not learning to drive in my car.
(Clucks)
- Nutter. - (Clucks)
- Chickens, we could do chickens. - Chickens don't fly.
Lazy buggers. What are we going to make, then?
- I don't know. What do you think? - I don't know.
- Where are they? - Here.
- That far apart, are they? - Yeah. Don't poke me.
Wasn't going near you.
- Go on, then. - Great.
You should ask an adult to help you.
I don't know any.
(Squawks)
- I think they're quite good. - Yeah, what do you reckon?
- I think we could pull in these. - Definitely.
- Pub? - Yeah, hair of the dog.
I'm ready. Put a bit of lippy on and away we go.
(Chirrups)
- Hi, Liz. - Hi, Zoe. How are you?
Ooh.
Didn't expect that one!
Morning, Tina.
Birds that live here in North America, they fly all the way to South America.
Yeah?
That's a journey and a half, isn't it?
But the... the biggest journey of them all is of the arctic tern.
Because he flies from the Arctic...
Yeah?... all the way - wow, across the world - to the South Pole.
Isn't that incredible?
From the North to the South Pole and that is... ssh!
And that is 9,300 miles. That's right.
Wow, wow.
(Children talking at once)
All right, Nick, do the other side now.
Here we go, look. No, don't pull it out.
What we can do... Shall we give him... Shall we give him a few bits?
Do you want to give him... I like that, I like that.
- Shall we give him one here? - No.
No?
- He's got eyebrows, look. - (Laughs)
- Yeah? - Let me see.
I think that's brilliant. That's brilliant.
Here we go.
Shall I put some more yellow in that? There we go.
What colours do you think your feathers could be?
See, you could do a rainbow colour. That's a good idea, isn't it?
- I did a rainbow. - Do a rainbow. Rainbows like parrots.
Don't put that on yet.
Let's have a look.
Little bit more. What about the fringing?
You could do a bit more on the fringing there, couldn't you?
Hungry? It's going to be lunch time soon.
But I'm not a cook. It's lunch time in a minute.
We're going to lunch in a minute.
You can wash your hands.
- Who's ready? - (All call out)
Hey!
(Squawking and clucking)
Oh, wow! That is fantastic. Look at you go!
Whooh! Flap your arms. Flap your wings.
Bit dangerous, innit?
What?
Putting these over their heads.
I'm trying to suffocate them. That's my goal. Little buggers.
- They look great. - How was your weekend?
- Crap. - Oh, no, why's that, then?
I didn't do much, just stayed in, really.
It's the weekend, Tash.
- I know. I had a run-in with my mum. - Did ya?
Mm. My sister was working Saturday. I had to look after Jasmine.
- How is she? - That girl eats too much.
Bless her.
She ate three chicken legs and four jam tarts and then wants to tell me she's starving.
The little piglet.
- I dropped her off to my mum's. - Yeah?
I said you've got to tell Sherryanne that she needs to put this girl on a diet.
You'll give her a complex, she's 7.
All of a sudden Mum doesn't want to get involved, for the first time in her life.
Then I'm just leaving the house and my two aunts arrive from Dollis Hill.
Oh, no.
So we get the Spanish Inquisition. "Tash, you got a boyfriend?
"Are you getting married soon? Why don't you give your mother another grandchild?
"You know she nearly 60. She getting old."
Aargh...!
I was, like, "I haven't got a boyfriend. I won't be getting married soon,
and, no, I won't be investing in a mortgage in the near future,
thank you very much."
- Then I just closed the door and left. - End of.
- You cooking? - Yeah, are you cooking?
I'm cooking with gas. What we having?
- Food. - That makes a change.
- Are you hungry? - I'm ravishing.
- Aren't you just. - Thank you.
How did it go today?
What, with my flying flock of feathered friends?
Good, they loved it. Flapping away they were.
- Were they? - Yeah, bless them.
I had to nip it in the bud with my lot before they flew out the window.
It was OK, though, was it?
Oh, yeah, I played them Stravinsky after lunch just to calm them down.
- What did you play? - The Rite Of Spring.
I booked my first driving lesson.
- Did you? - Yeah.
- When is it? - 12 o'clock, Saturday.
Excellent, well done you.
- I'll set the table. - Yeah, it's nearly ready.
(Buzz of conversation)
POPPY: Yeah, I know.
ZOE: I love the end of the week. - You don't say.
- I do, actually. - Do you?
- Yeah. - Oh.
You know I take this dance class on a Friday afternoon, the golden time.
I swear to God, half the kids are bigger than me.
- That's not hard, though, is it, eh, titch? - No, I don't mean taller, I mean wider.
You want to be careful, you know?
You don't want the kids jumping about expressing themselves. A bit dangerous.
Yeah, you do all that on Friday,
but then they spend the weekend indoors, glued to their Nintendo DS.
Totally. A couple of weeks ago I came in Monday -
I told Poppy - sat the kids down for carpet time,
asked them what they did over the weekend.
Gorgeous weather. Not one of them had been out.
They'd all been sitting at home on their PlayStations.
- You couldn't get them up off the carpet. - When they got up, they were wheezing.
- That's pollution for you. - We always used to go to the park.
- A lot of them don't have parks to go to. - Yeah, exactly.
But you don't need a park to go for a walk.
If Mum and Dad don't go out, the kids don't.
Parents are too frightened to let their kids play out.
Even a bit of green by the estate, they don't let them play there.
But it's hard for a lot of mums and dads, isn't it?
They've had a hell of a week. They're under pressure and stress.
- Tell me about it. - They get back from work, if they work...
You know. A lot of them are single mums, they're exhausted.
It's understandable if they don't take their kids out for a lovely picnic.
It's not acceptable. Life's hard, but if you want to find a way you find it, innit?
- Some parents can't be bothered. - Yeah, I know.
So instead they let their kids stay up half the night on chat rooms.
- Yeah! - Yeah, that's worrying.
- Scary. - Makes me so angry.
A lot of seven-year-olds know more about the internet than we do.
At least people are talking about it. That's good.
- Is it? - Well, yeah. It means we're aware.
I'm aware smoking's bad for me. It doesn't mean I'll stop.
- As long as you know what will kill you. - Thanks.
Any time.
I know drinking's bad for me, but, you know... I can't help myself.
- Oh, shame. - Cheers!
Cheers, everyone! Here's to our livers and all who drown in them.
Careful, Poppy, you got your first driving lesson tomorrow.
Oh, yeah, quick, put that down.
You don't want to mess up your blind spot.
- Oh, that sounds good. - Oh, it's here. How many fingers?
(Laughter)
(Doorbell)
- That must be for you. - (Sings) I'm so excited!
You should do some deep breathing before you get in the car.
(Exhales) Ooh, can't see him. Wish me luck.
Good luck. I'll keep the emergency services on standby.
Any excuse, eh? I know what you're like with firemen.
Hello. Scott?
- Are you Poppy? - That's me. Nice to you meet you.
Right, the car's just here.
They're not infected! What are you like?
They're clean, I just washed them specially, honest.
- This it? - You get in the passenger seat.
- You know it's me learning to drive? - We have to talk a few things through.
Oh, have we? Fair enough. If you insist.
- Did you choose this colour car? - Make yourself comfortable.
- Thank you. Is this your car? - No, it's the company's car.
- Oh, right, what's your car like, then? - It is my car.
You said it was the company's car. Make your mind up.
- Have you got your provisional licence? - Yep!
There you go. That's me on a bad day.
- Is that your real name, Pauline? - Right.
- OK, everything seems to be in order. - Does it? That's good.
Now, have you ever had a driving lesson before?
Yeah. No, it wasn't really a lesson. It was in a Cadillac in Miami.
Bunny-hopped down the beach. I was a bit pissed, it was hilarious.
We won't be pissed when driving this car, OK?
We're not going to bunny-hop. We'll focus and concentrate.
I'm going to take you to a spot we take all learner drivers.
- Are you? - We'll go through the cockpit drill.
- Oh, naughty. - You'll listen and take responsibility.
I'll see what I can do.
- OK. Put your seat belt on. - Will do, Captain Scott.
Here we go, gigolo.
- So you spoke to the office? - I spoke to your boss.
He's not my boss, I work for myself. I'm my own man.
But it's his car... or it's your car... Someone.
(Poppy giggles)
And they told you the price - £22.50 an hour?
That's right. Cheap as chips, you lot.
- We may be cheap but we're better. - Are you?
You go with the big companies, they use inexperienced instructors.
They don't?
They've just passed their test and charge more.
Bastards.
Us experienced instructors, we go with small companies and charge less.
- That makes a lot of sense, that does. - Cheapness is relative.
Yeah, it is. You're right. Bang-on!
So, do you want the same time every week?
Go on, then.
- Do you or don't you? I need to know. - Well, if you need to know.
If it's good for you, it's good for me, Scott.
OK, 12 o'clock every Saturday.
- Do you like working Saturdays? - I only work half day, Saturday.
- Oh, that's good. - You're my last pupil.
What do you do for the rest of the day? Are you going out tonight?
I shall go home and read my book.
Oh, it must be a good book. What is it?
It's a book.
Yeah, well, we worked that much out.
- You see three pedals in front of you. - Yeah, yeah.
Will you put your left foot on the left-hand pedal and push it all the way down?
He's a bit frisky, isn't he?
OK, Pauline. Please take your boot off the pedal.
Nobody's called me Pauline since I was two years old. Makes me laugh.
What am I supposed to call you?
- Oh, how about Poppy? - Poppy?
- Yeah. - Oh, yeah.
No, whatever turns you on, Scott. I don't mind.
OK, Poppy. Your boots are inappropriate for a driving lesson.
- What's wrong with them? - You can't control a car in high heels.
I can do a lot in these. You should see me in these on a dance floor.
- They may be good on a dance floor. - Not just good on a dance floor.
They are "Oooh".
They may be good in a Cadillac on a beach
when you're pissed with your boyfriend, but they're not suitable for driving.
You're funny.
Now, next week I want you to bring flat-soled shoes.
- I don't look any good in them. - It's not how you look, it's how you drive.
I'll see what I can rustle up for you, Scott. Leave it to me.
Right, you see three mirrors -
your two side-view mirrors and your rear-view mirror.
- They make a golden triangle. - Is that like the pubic triangle?
It's a pyramid and at the top of it you see the all-seeing eye - Enrahah.
Can you repeat that, please? "En-ra-hah".
- You talking about the eye of Lucifer? - No!
Cos I don't know if I want to look in there, thank you.
It's not Lucifer. There are two fallen angels before Lucifer.
- There is Enrahah, Raziel and Lucifer. - I don't have them in my phone book.
- Bear with me. - Where is he?
- Bear with me. - I can't see him.
- It's a teaching tool. - Is it?
Let me explain something to you about teaching.
The teacher's job is to bring out good habits in the pupil and to get rid of bad habits.
He does that through frequent repetitive thinking.
And he does that by creating clear and distinct images
that are easy for the pupil to retain.
- Oh, does he, now? - Yes.
Don't worry, it's burnt in there.
You remember. You will remember Enrahah till the day you die
and I will have done my job.
Why don't you have something nice up there like a giant strawberry?
Believe you me, it works.
- OK, stop! - What am I doing now?
Please take your hand off the gear. Off the gear stick!
- All right. - Foot off the pedal.
- I'm not touching anything. - Let me explain to you something.
This car is my livelihood. This car is how I earn my living.
- I don't know how you earn your living. - Yeah.
But if I walked into your pub or your discotheque or your club
and I walked up to the DJ and I scratched all his records,
or I smashed all the glasses,
and I said, "I'm sorry, I didn't know what I was doing," that wouldn't be acceptable.
There is only one problem with that.
I don't own a bar or a disco. I'm just a primary school teacher.
- Are you? - Afraid so, kiddo.
Are you a Satanist, Scott?
- No, in fact I'm exactly the opposite. - Are you the Pope, then?
- That's the same thing. - Is it? Does he know that?
Right, you have three pedals, A, B, C. Accelerator, brake and clutch.
# Talking about... Lovely.
- Good. - Yeah.
ZOE: What's he like?
- You'd love him. - Would I?
He made me laugh. He was funny.
What? Like funny "Ha ha" or funny peculiar?
- Bit of both, actually. - So, what happened, then?
- He shouted at me. - What? He gave you a telling off?
He's a little bit uptight. Just a little bit.
- Bet you wound him up. - Might set you up with him.
- Is he fit? - Yeah.
No, he's not fit at all. Just your type.
SUZY: What do I get out of it? - You get a shag whenever you want.
When was the last time that happened?
Who's fault's that, eh? Where are you going? Suzy!
- You all right? - All right?
- What's going on? - Come on.
- You shouting at my little sister? - No.
- Doesn't look like it, does it? - Poppy!
- Where are you going? - Fuck off!
Not coming with us, apparently. Adios.
POPPY: Suze!
Ooh.
- Morning, Poppy. - All right?
- What's the matter? - Buggered my back, haven't I?
- Looks like it. - Trampolining.
- Trampolining? Really? - Yeah, I go every week.
- What? After school? - I love it.
Great.
You've got to keep the muscles a-pumping.
- Cos I've just started flamenco. - You haven't?
- It's fantastic. - I've always wanted to do it. Bit of that.
- Careful. - I'm all right.
- Come along, if you want. - When is it?
Every Tuesday, 6:30.
- Well, see how you feel. - All right.
- Morning, Leanne. - Morning.
POPPY: Stink of urine round here.
- I can't smell anything. - Have you peed your pants?
Yeah, sorry.
- You're a naughty girl. - Tell me about it.
Ow!
- You all right? - Yeah.
Come on, we're nearly there.
- Have you lost your sense of smell? - Yeah, smoking dulls your senses.
- And your brain. Here we go. - Go on, then.
Done that.
- All done? - Yeah, thanks.
OK.
Take care.
- OK, who have we got next? - Poppy Cross.
Thanks.
Poppy? No, I'm Zoe. Nice to meet you.
No, I'm Poppy, sorry about her. Don't know who she is.
- My name's Ezra. - Hello, Ezra.
- You want to just follow me upstairs? - Yeah.
- You're big, aren't you? ZOE: Good luck!
- Just take your time. - What are you going to do to me?
Ooh! (Laughs)
Makes me laugh.
OK, I'm just going to feel the muscles in your back.
- Right. - And you let me know where the pain is.
I'll send you a text.
Strong fingers.
(Giggles) That tickles.
- Oooh! Bang on the money. - OK.
- Ow... - And this side?
Yeah.
OK. Do you want to reach down to your side as if you're picking something up?
Picking chickens.
No, sorry. I can't do that. Ow! Oooh.
Is it your back?
Sorry?
Cos it can affect everything, can't it?
Like your mood and everything.
- Nice action. - Lie on your back for me, please.
Must get one of these. Come in very handy.
Oooh! Ow.
OK, I'm just going to ask you to roll yourself onto your side, facing me.
You don't ask for much do you, eh?
I'm going to feel the muscles in your spine again.
Ooh.
Oh!
# What-d'you-ma-call-it, ding dang dilly dilly da da, hoo-hoo!
OK.
All right, lie back.
There we go.
There's a joint in your spine that's jammed up.
Oh, no.
- Would you like me to release it? - Is it serious?
- It's not too bad. - What you going to do? Will it hurt?
It may for a few days.
- Go on, then. Go for your life. - Are you sure?
If you're quick.
OK. I'm going to roll you over and you'll feel a short sharp click in your back.
OK? Breathe in. And...
Oh. Wait a minute. (Giggles)
OK. Are you ready?
Yeah.
- OK, breathe in... - (Exhales)
- OK. (Inhales) - And release.
(Snap) - Oh, hoochy coochy ga-la!
OK. Just relax for me.
Didn't know you were going to do that.
Ooh.
Just relax and breathe normally.
(Exhales deeply)
- (Sighs) - OK, would you like to sit up for me?
Yeah.
Will this be a regular occurrence, chopping and changing?
- Sorry, Scott. Something came up. - I've got a life too, you know.
- I had to make an appointment. - Isn't this an appointment?
I couldn't help it.
The road to hell is paved with good intentions.
Sounds like fun.
Having a bad day, are you?
- I had a bad pupil this morning. - Oh, no, what did he do?
He was late, he refused to pay his money.
He slammed the door and swore at me.
- You shout at him, did you? - I drove off, I'm not teaching him again.
- You show him. - He's rude, he's arrogant,
- he's overconfident and he's too street. - (Giggles)
You don't like that.
He's been overindulged and encouraged to express himself.
Express himself! Chop his hands off!
Do you know what it means when they do that?
- Go on. - How little do they know.
How little do their mothers know.
And they smell.
It's not easy being you, is it? Eh?
Fancy meeting you here, hey? (Laughs)
You don't have to laugh, I'll let you off.
OK, gently, gently, gently, gently.
- Steady progression. - Sorry.
Take your foot off the brake. There's no need to put your foot on the brake.
- Do you know what's doing that? - What is doing that?
- Your boots. Your boots are doing that. - No, I was taking my time.
- I panicked. - Your boots, they're inappropriate.
OK, on.
Poppy, come on. Let's pick up some speed. OK?
- Don't shout at me, Scott. - Well, don't dilly dally, let'sjust go. OK.
- I'm just learning. - Next left-hand turn. OK?
- You panic me. - So, mirror, signal, manoeuvre.
- Gets me right there. - Enrahah, Enrahah.
Both hands on the wheel, Enrahah. Enrahah.
I don't like that, gives me the creeps.
OK, Poppy. Indicate. Mirror, signal, manoeuvre.
- Indicate. - Signal, OK.
- How am I doing? - Foot down on the brake. Clutch.
You don't want to stall. OK, find your biting point and peep and creep.
- First gear. Peep and creep. - First gear.
- Peep and creep. - Peeping and a-creeping.
- When you get to the end of the road... - Ooh, he's nice.
When we get to the end of the road... Can you please focus on the driving?
Enrahah, Enrahah.
- Enrahah. OK! - I... That's a bit weird.
Foot on the brake, clutch. You don't want to stall.
Find your bite. Can you feel you're slightly on a hill?
- No. - OK, put the hand brake on.
Find your biting point. OK, lock your door. Lock your door.
- Don't be ridiculous. - Poppy, there's two of them.
- Are you taking the piss? - Lock your door.
- OK, let's go. Let's go, Poppy, let's go. - I don't believe you just said that.
Let's go. On you go. On you go.
- Let's go that way. - Poppy! Poppy, let's go!
- We're on a bend. Now, let's go. - Blimey, O'Reilly.
Right, on you go. Keep to the left of the centre of the road.
Usual time next week? 12 o'clock? You can check it if you like.
See you.
Cheerio.
All right, doggie?
ZOE: Here's another one. POPPY: Yeah.
Circle, completely red.
What? Like a tomato?
For instance. White horizontal line.
Give us a clue, Zoe.
Horizontal, parallel to the horizon.
Thank you, Miss Marsh.
- You're welcome. - So, it's not... up and down like a yoyo.
- No. - Right.
- What is it? - Vertical.
- No, you muppet, the sign. - That'd be "no entry".
- For what? - For black boys on bicycles.
- Don't get me started on that again. - It just popped out of his mouth.
- You can always get another instructor. - Yeah, I know. See how it goes, eh?
- Ask me another. - This is also a red circle.
- Yeah. - Black car - this isn't a racist thing.
- Glad to hear it. - Next to the black car is a red car.
That's Mr Golly overtaking Noddy.
- Enrahah. - Enrahah to you.
- What is it? - No overtaking.
- Enrahah. - Enrahah-ha-ha!
- He sounds like a nutter. - He is a nutter.
- How's your back? - It's all right, actually. He sorted it.
Magic fingers. He was sweet, wasn't he?
He was fit.
Octagonal sign with "stop" written in it.
- Stop! - All right, then.
(Closes book)
Who's going to blink first?
- Do you want a cup of tea? - Yes, please.
No, you have the lasagne tonight. We can finish the chicken tomorrow.
Look, I can't talk now. See you later.
- Do you think we'll make it? - Depends on the traffic.
Should be all right. Ooh, that's my back!
Hey, come in, ladies, as quick as you can.
Do want to put your bags, and there's a couple of places.
- Sorry we're late. - Sorry.
No problem, it's very Spanish to be late. Take your places. Then we can start.
Here.
I was just introducing myself to the peoples what don't know me.
It's lovely to see you again and lovely you bring a friend.
Welcome in my class.
So, my name is Rositta Santos and I'm coming from Sevilla in Spain.
Or Seville, what you say here.
What is famous for our bullfighting, our beautiful oranges -
what your English peoples turn into disgusting marmalade.
Are you going to keep those sunglasses on, then?
And also is the birth home of flamenco. (Stamps foot)
Sorry.
Then everybody is ready... I hope.
So, feet in parallel. Hip distance apart.
Pulling up from the waist. Opening across the chest.
Shoulder blades drawing down to the spine.
Arms relaxed.
And taking the head over to your right.
Feeling that lovely stretch at the neck.
Then to the left.
Not very flamenco, is it?
To the right.
Bringing the head back to the centre.
And relax. Lovely.
So, guys. We're going to reverse the abs now.
Right foot in front.
Lifting up from the elbows like they got strings attached.
Like little Pinocchio.
Lifting, lifting.
Keeping the shoulders down. Arms above the head.
Framing the face. Here I am... proud.
Then bringing the arms down in front. Pressing, pressing, pressing.
Keeping the tension, keeping the strength, but fluid as well.
Then lifting up again from the elbows. Like the eagle spreading his wings.
Beautiful, angry, ferocious.
And, guys, when you're lifting up your eagle wings,
remember that this dance comes from the pain, from the suffering
of los gitanos...
erm... what you say, "the gypsies".
I know this word not politically correct,
but these guys, they been squashed down by society
for centuries, centuries, and they say,
"We don't need this. We got pride.
We got dignity.
We got heart. We got flamenco." (Stamps foot)
They say, "This... my space."
My space. (Stamps twice)
My space. (Stamps again)
My space. Everybody... do this. One, two.
ALL: My space. - (Stamping)
- And again. - My space!
- Vamos! Vamos! - My space!
- And again. - My space!
- Vamos, vamos. - My space!
- With meaning. - My space!
But, guys.
My space!
- One more time. - My space!
- With expression. - My space!
- I don't believe it. - My space!
OK, guys. I'll give you two counts in.
Then we're going to stamp and clap the compás, OK?
Uno, dos.
(Stamping and clapping)
Guys, guys, guys. What are you doing?
Where is the passion? Where is the revenge? Where is the blood?
This is flamenco.
That clapping, so polite. It's like the end of the opera.
"Excuse me, how many sugar you want in your tea?"
(Laughter)
This woman been spending every Wednesday afternoon for a year
with your husband, in a hotel in Paddington.
This guy been having an affair for five years with your best friend.
Your boyfriend, what you gave your love, your spirit, for five years
betrays you with a Swedish bitch, what is 22 years old.
You want to kill him. You want to cut off his balls.
He's such a bastard! I hate him!
Are you all right?
(Door swings open, then closes)
Didn't bargain for that. That was something else.
I know, but all credit to her.
She picked herself up. She came straight back.
As if nothing had happened. Like a little fireball, wasn't she?
- Not a grain of sentimentality. - No, wipe the tears.
Bless her. I wanted to give her a hug.
I don't think she'd appreciate that.
No! "This is my space, get off me!"
Leaves a nasty taste, though, exploding her heart all over the floor.
- Then it was "put that away". - Stick that in a box.
- Get it out another time. - Perhaps never.
- You'll be lucky. - I know.
She must be going through some shit, though, mustn't she?
- She's actually a good teacher. - Oh, yeah, definitely.
She's going to burn herself out.
I believed her when she said she'd cut off his balls, though. Didn't you?
I don't expect the guys will be back next week, then?
No! Snip, snip.
- How's your love life? - How is my love life?
- Nothing doing? - Not a sausage.
- Are you OK with that? - Oh, yeah.
- Good for you. - Cheers.
Cheers.
- How's your Beth? - Darren's dumped her.
Oh, no.
Just before her 18th birthday. "Thanks, Darren."
- Why do men always do that, eh? - I know.
Christmas, Valentine's Day. Boom! They're gone.
- I hope he won't turn up to the party. - Name off the list.
I'm looking at her and thinking, "Don't call him. Don't call him."
- "Don't do it, Beth. Don't do it." - You can't say anything, though.
- You've got to let them get on with it. - You can't help being protective.
Of course, she's got her A levels coming up.
Fingers crossed, she's going to Manchester.
- Fantastic. What she want to do there? - Sociology.
- Lovely. - I hope she'll take a gap year. Travel.
That's important, see the world.
- I think so. Cos I never got the chance. - Nor me.
- You made up for it later, though. - Didn't I just?
- Where were you? - All over the place.
Taught in this school in Thailand, six months. Me and Zoe.
Started off in Australia. Zoe's got relations in Melbourne and Sydney.
Bali, Java, Malaysia, Vietnam - beautiful. Then Thailand.
Fabulous.
Amazing. Gorgeous kids. Loved learning. 60 in a class.
- 60? - Oh, yeah.
Fantastic. Great challenge.
- And for them. - Especially for them.
Yeah.
- Do you want another one? - I'd love to but I'm driving, aren't I?
Oh, of course you are. Got to be good. Work tomorrow.
Poppy, this is your third driving lesson.
- I'm getting quite good, aren't I? - No, you're not good.
You're smug. You're too easily distracted.
You're distracted by squirrels, by dogs, by children in the park,
by old ladies in surgical stockings, by half-naked men in their gardens.
- Oh, well, he was quite fit, wasn't he? - No, he wasn't fit, he had a paunch.
- I didn't know you were checking it out. - Keep your eyes focused on the road.
This car is a lethal weapon. Pay attention or you'll kill somebody.
Keep to the left of the centre of the road.
Oh, come on, Scott. How often do you see a squirrel sending a text like that?
- Left turn. Mirror, signal, Enrahah. - Sending a little text.
Enrahah!
I can't believe you're a teacher, that you're in charge of 40 children.
It took me by surprise, to be honest. It's 30.
30. You have no respect for order.
You are arrogant, you are disruptive and you celebrate chaos.
- I slipped through the net, didn't I? - No, you are the net.
Believe you me, Poppy, you are the net.
OK, we're going to do the next left turn. Mirror, signal, manoeuvre.
- Enrahah. Keep with it, Poppy. - Oooh. Don't like this corner.
Get away from the bend. Get away from the bend.
Do you remember the pyramid? Do you remember the shape of the pyramid?
- Enrahah. - No.
Enrahah is the eye at the top of the pyramid.
I'm talking about the bottom of it.
Those at the bottom of the pyramid are kept in total ignorance
of what those at the top of the pyramid are achieving. Enrahah.
Where are you on the pyramid?
- I'm outside the pyramid, looking in. - Of course you are.
Where are you? That is more to the point. Where are you and your children?
- Where are we all, eh? - The next left turn. Enrahah.
- Did you like school, Scott? - I'm afraid it didn't agree with me.
Oh, that's a shame.
Let me tell you something about the education system.
- Oh, go on, then. - It produces left brain prisoners.
- Do you know what that means? - I do.
Well, I'll tell you. Our brain has two sides.
The left brain and the right brain. The left brain... Keep going, keep going.
The left brain is information, data. It's dead.
The right brain is individuality. It's where the soul lies.
And the education system, it works like this - "I will give you a world view.
And if you repeat my world view, if you reconfirm my world view,
you will pass your exams and you will go higher and higher and higher
and you will become a policeman, a magistrate,
a lawyer, a general, a politician, and you will be happy and you will succeed.
But if you think for yourself,
if you think outside of the box, then you will be unhappy and you will fail."
That's how the education system works. Left turn. Enrahah. Signal. Enrahah.
Were you bullied at school, Scott?
We're going to do the next left turn. Enrahah.
Kids, they can be cruel, can't they, eh?
Nick!
Nick, what's going on? Eh?
- Are you all right, Charlie? - (Mumbles)
Yeah, I could see that. What's going on, eh?
(Stamping and clapping)
ROSITTA: Venga, venga!
Don't bounce.
Keep pounding.
Facing front.
Look in front of us.
It's not salsa. Keep straight.
Venga, mátalo.
Uno, dos, tres. Uno, dos, tres.
Face the front. Don't look at me. Uno, dos, tres. Keep it pounding.
Uno, dos, tres. Uno, dos, tres. Uno, dos, tres. Uno, dos, tres.
Bravo, everybody.
I have to tell you, I am slightly impressed.
Much better than last week. Though of course this is not difficult.
And still could improve.
But... it will do.
For now.
- (Chatter) POPPY: Be quiet. Get on with it.
What are you writing about? All about you?
That's lovely, Savannah.
Good girl. Married with a prince, yeah?
There we are. You carry on with your work, there's a good...
Yeah, you carry on. You draw a picture now.
Hold on. What's going on? Can you stop that, please?
What is happening? Are you hurting Ayotunde?
Are you all right? He hurt you hard?
He hit you? Come here. We do not hurt our friends.
You come and sit over here. Get on with your work.
You were hurting Ayotunde for no reason. That's not very nice.
That's not what we do to our friends.
- I can't do these. - Yes, you can. You carry on with that.
- Miss, I've got a tiger fish. - OK, Chelsea.
What's happening here, eh?
You can talk to me, you know?
Anything you want to say.
I'm here to help you.
Because I'm your mate, aren't I?
- (Softly) Yes. - Yeah, that's right.
That's what mates do...
...isn't it?
- Yes. - Yeah.
What's making you so angry?
I want to help sort this out.
Come on, chop chop.
- Hi, Jenny. - Hi, Poppy.
- Poppy. - Have you got a minute?
- What's up? - I think I might have a problem.
- Come in. Sit yourself down. - Cheers.
It's Nick, really...
(Glass muffles conversation)